Saturday, December 27, 2008

greeting card regret


holiday aftermath/new character






I'm so happy to be on the other side of this 'ghastly season of mirth'. There are no words to describe my relief. I've had alot of time off, and some work pals had prodded me to set up a facebook page with all my free time. I didn't. I just don't understand the appeal of facebook or myspace or any of that bullshit. What I did do over the holidays was mope around and watch tons of movies on cable...and draw. As I was mindlessly doodling, a little character spontaneously developed. He's a little foreign dude named Aznuccio who speaks in very broken english. His speaking style is based on messageboard postings I've read from people whose first language was obviously NOT english...and things Lumpy has said...and maybe a little of Borat too. Aznuccio may not have much appeal, but he kept me occupied during all this holiday nonsense.






Monday, December 15, 2008

inflatable holiday crap


Can we please put a stop to these horrible outdoor "decorations" idiots put up during the holiday season? They look bad...and when there are six or seven in the same front yard, it's downright creepy! I'm pretty sure the kid-eating witch from "Hansel and Gretel" would put these things on her lawn. I'm not opposed to all holiday decorations -- I appreciate tasteful displays of lights on roofs and trees. That's nice. And I won't even comment on the plastic, illuminated nativity scenes. I've got a "War on Christmas" entry coming up that will deal with that. More later.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Durdorf's Folly


Even in this new journal space I've managed to attract a troll or two of the "religious" persuasion. These Christian zealots must search Blogger for words like 'gay' or 'evolution' or 'Obama' in order to find new places to leave their hateful comments and tired preachings. Last week I had an idiot commenter show up out of nowhere to share some biblical nonsense and calls for me to REPENT. I'll call him 'Durdorf'. He asked if I was a 'practicing homosexual'. *snort* (I prefer to think of it as "rehearsing"). Of course he quoted some churchy diatribe about how all homos are going to hell and other bullshit. Why was he wasting his time? Do idiots like Durdorf think I'm as easily brainwashed as they were/are??

I've long maintained that people who are vehemently anyi-gay are hiding some sexual secrets of their own. Maybe Durdorf is wallowing in sexual shame and finds Christianity a good hiding place. He wouldn't be the first.

So...if you're a supernaturalist who is here to condemn me...save your time and typing finger. I'm much too busy rehearsing to read your hate.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

For the dreamer on your shopping list


There was a 'snow advisory' here in Hooterville -- so I took a work-at-home day today. It was a happy accident that I happened to be home when Jesse Reklaw's latest book The Night of Your Life arrived in my mailbox. If you're not familiar with this artist (and I'm assuming most people are not), he draws a weekly comic strip based on people's dreams. It's kind of hard to explain how genius this is -- so please go to slowwave.com and check it out. It's a 255 page hardcover treasure that I got for free because I contributed four of the dreams he used. I was on various antidepressants during the years I had said dreams so I guess they met the weirdness factor he likes. You can send him your own nocturnal adventures via a link on the website.

This is so much more entertaining and unique than your typical 'graphic novel'...I recommend it for all the hard-to-buy-for weirdos you still have to do holiday shopping for.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Wilderness Woman


making funny voices

Because I can't place embedded images where I want them in this blog, they always end up at the top of the post. AOL was so much easier. Dang.
Anyway -- this is a doodle done in a staff meeting. If it had a title, the title would be "Wildnerness Woman". Speaking of work -- I've begun a litle 'side career' at the company I'm employed at. Normally I just sit in my cubicle and either draw or write...but, very recently, I've been sidetracked a little with trips to a recording studio where I've provided funny voices for various forms of media that I probably can't talk about now. I'll provide details later. So far I've voiced a fish, a toilet, Satan, an angry dad, a vampire and a horny puppet. Every time you see something animated, there is an actual human being somewhere speaking into a microphone - giving a voice to the character. Anybody can do this kind of work. Want to be a voice-over talent? Let me give you a few tips and pointers:
1. RECORDING STUDIOS ARE VERY SMALL AND INTIMATE...And often there is an audience watching you. If you can't make with the funny voice in front of six or seven people, then you can't do this. It's somewhat like improv night at a comedy club--only not as fun because there's no booze.
2. DON'T BE SMELLY...Because of the close quarters and enclosed space, your bod better be freshly-showered and your breath better be unoffensive. Bring gum and/or mints. Once you have that covered, you can worry about other things.
3. YOU'LL SWEAT ALOT!...The lights and the pressure to perform will likely soak your clothes to the dripping point. Did I mention the tight, enclosed space?
4. YOU WILL BE THERE LONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU WILL....A good audio engineer will want several takes of your 'performance'. You want to get it right so you don't have to go through this again. Yes. You'll read the lines over and over again until you're told "We got it. Thanks."

craigslist


The local news here in Hooterville has clued me in to what a nasty, dangerous place this craigslist is. People agree to meet to purchase or sell something and end up raped or murdered in some isolated alley or parking garage. I'll stick to Macy's, thank you.


This cartoon is very old and very gross...it was drawn long before there was an internet or a craigslist.com.


Saturday, November 29, 2008

She's a Beauty







SNOW!



Yes. We got our first snow of the season here in Hooterville. It was pretty and didn't really stick once it hit the ground, but it drove home the fact that Winter has arrived, and along with it -- this ghastly season of mirth. I hate Christmas so much that I've decided to skip it all together this year. I'm just going to ignore it and pretend it's been cancelled this year.



DASHBOARD?



As many complaints as I had about AOL and their haphazard handling of AOL Journals, I must confess that I miss my old blog. This Blogger shit just isn't working for me. I've lost contact with people I used to check in with weekly. I've been toying with the idea of just abandoning my blog life altogether. But then what would I do with all these toons that are piling up?



TOILET THANKSGIVING



We got a new toilet here at my address! It was installed over the course of two days by Argentinian plumbers who did not speak a word of English. Lumpy spoke to them while I sat on the floor with a muzzled German Shepherd. Bongo is old and cranky and wants to bite any and all strangers -- so I comforted him while watching old movies on TCM. Ask me if I was in the mood for turkey during this holiday break. Go ahead. Ask.



QUEEN BEE



That's the name of probably the worst movie Joan Crawford ever made. During the plumbing episodes I watched it. I'd love to talk to some old-timer who actually paid to see it in a theater way back in 1954. I once asked my mom if she remembered anything about Ms. Crawford and she replied: "All I remember is that she made a LOT of bad movies". "Queen Bee" was truly terrible. No wonder Joan beat her kids.



LADY TOONS



The cartoons I'm including in this post are archival and one of them is slightly new. I barely know what I'm doing here on this blogger place, so I'm throwing everything against the wall -- so to speak.






Saturday, November 15, 2008

a little twisted


I'm posting part of a mini comic book I made way back in 1991 for my friend 'K'. Before I had a blog or a scanner, I used to put all my crazy scribblings into some sort of book form and give them to K. She's my great friend from highschool who has saved my life a few times. More importantly -- she "got" me and understood my sense of humor.

Amyway...I made a comic book about a retarded boy and a toy truck. It was, more or less, a parody of the storybooks and cartoons we grew up with back in the 1970's. The story got very perverted and extremely x-rated in parts and ultimately involved Bugs Bunny and the 'Facts of Life' cast. (You seriously don't want to know the details)

I'm sharing it here now because I can bypass ImageShack and because I have that "content warning" feature.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

old sketchbooks


One of these days I'm going to build a bonfire in my backyard and throw in all the old journals, notebooks and sketchbooks I've got cluttering my little home office.


The old sketchbooks are maddening to revisit because for every page with a drawing -- there are ten (or more) pages of partial doodles that I gave up on before moving on. I imagine real artists' sketchbooks are filled with fascinating drawings with no such gaps. And when those artists die, nobody later looks at these books and finds a bunch of pages with nothing more than a nose or a scribbled-out rabbit.


When I was very young, my mom used to get mad at me for wasting paper because I'd only put a few lines on a page before tossing it. If those first few lines weren't perfect -- what was the point of continuing?? I'm too old to change. And I can't ever apologize enough to the trees who died providing me with the paper I've wasted.


This posted doodle came from a very ancient sketchbook of mine. It's probably from my senior year of college.


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

history


I won't lie...I'm extremely happy that McFail and his idiot pick for vp lost. My greatest pleasure comes from knowing that a puppet of the religious right-wing won't have a say in who gets nominated into the Supreme Court next.


Congratulations, President-Elect Obama!!!!



Saturday, November 1, 2008

some stuff


I've been hearing that most of my old J-land pals aren't getting alerts for this new blog because of the "content warning " deal. SIGH


"Across the Universe"

I can't hardly keep up with new bands and new songs anymore -- so I really had no interest in seeing a movie musical that featured young actors singing a bunch of musty old Beatles' songs. BUT. But, somehow, I caught this movie on cable and was really enchanted with it. I lost some interest when Bono showed up as a drugged-up messiah, but generally loved the film. I recommend it if you have the STARZ channels or a Netflix account. It's sort of intersting how so many of the classic Beatles songs sound better and more natural when sung by women. Hmmm.


Dad

My old widowed father continues to be in good spirits. He keeps busy making peppernuts (a spicy, hard little cookie enjoyed here in the midwest) at the local senior center, and taking care of unexpected litters of October kittens. When I mentioned how odd it is for cats to give birth this late in the year, he said "None of them have any sense".


the election

A good place to check polls and projections is 538. I pretty much can't wait until this all over. GOBAMA!!!!


Thursday, October 30, 2008

voting early



Kansas is a pretty horrible state to live in, but at least we have the option of "early voting" here. It's a pretty attractive option if you're all stressed about long lines on election day (which I was). I worked at home today just I could go cast my vote before next Tuesday -- and I took The Lump with me because he'd finally registered.



I'd heard that early voting was attracting huge crowds, but I had no idea how huge! I'm not sure which political party is turning out in a greater number. Maybe it's the Democrats who are excited about a new candidate promising change...or maybe it's the McCain supporters who are determined to see their guy pull off an upset despite an electoral map that says he is doomed. I honestly couldn't tell by looking at the hundred or so people in line.



The line was intimidating, but it moved quickly and the people-watching was fun. I felt sorry for the really old people who were obviously not used to standing so long and the women with toddlers who could not keep them from wandering off toward those enticing mall fountains.



Here's a heads-up for people who've never voted before: You CANNOT wear shirts, caps, pins or anything else with a candidates name, picture or logo on them. The woman in front of me had to take off her Obama sweatshirt before entering the balloting room. We were not asked for I.D., but that varies from state to state. Be nice to the poll volunteers -- they are mostly retired people who are doing this for free.



It took a little over an hour to complete the process, but the line was much longer as we left. Just make a commitment to do whatever it takes -- however long it takes -- to cast your vote. This election is too important to sit out!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

"content warning"


As much as I miss the very comfortable and familiar format of AOL blogs, I have to say I like that Blogger gives us the option of putting a warning at the front gate of our journals. I also like that you can just upload an image from your computer without going through photobucket or the very unreliable & touchy imageshack. Both of these changes will allow me to share some of my more risque sketches that I never dared post on AOL.


I'll never forget the time I had a cartoon removed because some busybody took offense to me using the word "goddamn". I've had a contentious relationship with certain conservative, religious bloggers who keep showing up to cause problems even though they've always had the option of just not reading me.


This is not one of those potentially offensive images. It's a page of doodles I made while sitting through a mandatory class at work. As I've explained previously -- I am able to concentrate and sit still much better if my pen is always moving on a piece of paper. Otherwise I'd be fidgeting and sighing and generally acting like a toddler at the opera.


Saturday, October 18, 2008

clinical


I'm still not sure what I'm doing in this new journal space, but at least Google no longer considers me a "spam blog". That's something positive.


Anyway....


The doodle I'm including here is one I started while waiting in a hospital waiting room and then finished up while watching "True Blood" on HBO (awesome show!). On top of all the cruddy luck I've had lately, my blood pressure has gotten a little out of control. I deal with it all by not dealing with it. I sleep, work, eat, write, stare into space and sometimes doodle in the notepad I always carry. I can't tell you what it is or what it symbolizes. It could be an experimental art installation called "Avoidance".


sigh


Monday, October 6, 2008

I don't get it....

Now I found out my new blog is being flagged as a possible "spam blog". ????
Is it really worth the hassle of keeping one anymore?

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Mr. Organmeat


I drew this a few weeks ago -- when things were going so bad in my little life that I really thought I'd never find joy in cartooning again. I really can't tell you what it represents.


TESTING....again

I'm going slightly insane trying to figure out this new blog format. I was almost held back in kindergarten. True.