Saturday, December 27, 2008

greeting card regret


holiday aftermath/new character






I'm so happy to be on the other side of this 'ghastly season of mirth'. There are no words to describe my relief. I've had alot of time off, and some work pals had prodded me to set up a facebook page with all my free time. I didn't. I just don't understand the appeal of facebook or myspace or any of that bullshit. What I did do over the holidays was mope around and watch tons of movies on cable...and draw. As I was mindlessly doodling, a little character spontaneously developed. He's a little foreign dude named Aznuccio who speaks in very broken english. His speaking style is based on messageboard postings I've read from people whose first language was obviously NOT english...and things Lumpy has said...and maybe a little of Borat too. Aznuccio may not have much appeal, but he kept me occupied during all this holiday nonsense.






Monday, December 15, 2008

inflatable holiday crap


Can we please put a stop to these horrible outdoor "decorations" idiots put up during the holiday season? They look bad...and when there are six or seven in the same front yard, it's downright creepy! I'm pretty sure the kid-eating witch from "Hansel and Gretel" would put these things on her lawn. I'm not opposed to all holiday decorations -- I appreciate tasteful displays of lights on roofs and trees. That's nice. And I won't even comment on the plastic, illuminated nativity scenes. I've got a "War on Christmas" entry coming up that will deal with that. More later.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Durdorf's Folly


Even in this new journal space I've managed to attract a troll or two of the "religious" persuasion. These Christian zealots must search Blogger for words like 'gay' or 'evolution' or 'Obama' in order to find new places to leave their hateful comments and tired preachings. Last week I had an idiot commenter show up out of nowhere to share some biblical nonsense and calls for me to REPENT. I'll call him 'Durdorf'. He asked if I was a 'practicing homosexual'. *snort* (I prefer to think of it as "rehearsing"). Of course he quoted some churchy diatribe about how all homos are going to hell and other bullshit. Why was he wasting his time? Do idiots like Durdorf think I'm as easily brainwashed as they were/are??

I've long maintained that people who are vehemently anyi-gay are hiding some sexual secrets of their own. Maybe Durdorf is wallowing in sexual shame and finds Christianity a good hiding place. He wouldn't be the first.

So...if you're a supernaturalist who is here to condemn me...save your time and typing finger. I'm much too busy rehearsing to read your hate.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

For the dreamer on your shopping list


There was a 'snow advisory' here in Hooterville -- so I took a work-at-home day today. It was a happy accident that I happened to be home when Jesse Reklaw's latest book The Night of Your Life arrived in my mailbox. If you're not familiar with this artist (and I'm assuming most people are not), he draws a weekly comic strip based on people's dreams. It's kind of hard to explain how genius this is -- so please go to slowwave.com and check it out. It's a 255 page hardcover treasure that I got for free because I contributed four of the dreams he used. I was on various antidepressants during the years I had said dreams so I guess they met the weirdness factor he likes. You can send him your own nocturnal adventures via a link on the website.

This is so much more entertaining and unique than your typical 'graphic novel'...I recommend it for all the hard-to-buy-for weirdos you still have to do holiday shopping for.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Wilderness Woman


making funny voices

Because I can't place embedded images where I want them in this blog, they always end up at the top of the post. AOL was so much easier. Dang.
Anyway -- this is a doodle done in a staff meeting. If it had a title, the title would be "Wildnerness Woman". Speaking of work -- I've begun a litle 'side career' at the company I'm employed at. Normally I just sit in my cubicle and either draw or write...but, very recently, I've been sidetracked a little with trips to a recording studio where I've provided funny voices for various forms of media that I probably can't talk about now. I'll provide details later. So far I've voiced a fish, a toilet, Satan, an angry dad, a vampire and a horny puppet. Every time you see something animated, there is an actual human being somewhere speaking into a microphone - giving a voice to the character. Anybody can do this kind of work. Want to be a voice-over talent? Let me give you a few tips and pointers:
1. RECORDING STUDIOS ARE VERY SMALL AND INTIMATE...And often there is an audience watching you. If you can't make with the funny voice in front of six or seven people, then you can't do this. It's somewhat like improv night at a comedy club--only not as fun because there's no booze.
2. DON'T BE SMELLY...Because of the close quarters and enclosed space, your bod better be freshly-showered and your breath better be unoffensive. Bring gum and/or mints. Once you have that covered, you can worry about other things.
3. YOU'LL SWEAT ALOT!...The lights and the pressure to perform will likely soak your clothes to the dripping point. Did I mention the tight, enclosed space?
4. YOU WILL BE THERE LONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU WILL....A good audio engineer will want several takes of your 'performance'. You want to get it right so you don't have to go through this again. Yes. You'll read the lines over and over again until you're told "We got it. Thanks."

craigslist


The local news here in Hooterville has clued me in to what a nasty, dangerous place this craigslist is. People agree to meet to purchase or sell something and end up raped or murdered in some isolated alley or parking garage. I'll stick to Macy's, thank you.


This cartoon is very old and very gross...it was drawn long before there was an internet or a craigslist.com.