Wednesday, January 27, 2010

my retirement plans







I'm taking some 'personal time off' this week and I love it! I can't even describe how much I love being all alone with no work and no time commitments and no responsibilities beyond pet care. It's made me think how great retirement will be. As a smoker, I won't have too many years between the gold watch and big sleep -- so I have to plan that precious time carefully. And I want it to be just like this....but in a warmer climate and with nitrous oxide.
I've had some major dental work done in the past few months and was lucky enough to find a 'sedation dentist' who works on people with severe dental anxieties and he drugs his patients to the point where they don't give a damn what's happening inside their mouths for a few hours. I take a valium before every appointment and on the day I was to have a wisdom tooth extracted I was given these very expensive pills that made me have no memory of the next 24 hours. If anybody knows a street source for Diazepam and Triazolam, let me know. Just kidding. I'm not kidding. Call me
Unfortunately, these drugs are very expensive and insurance won't cover them. So when I had go in for a root canal and a filling and a few crowns I could only afford the valium and the nitrous oxide (laughing gas). GOD I LOVE THAT MAGIC AIR! The very sweet assistant offered me headphones and asked me what kind of music I liked. When I said "alternative" she came back with Rolling Stones. Okay. We settled on an Oasis greatest hits CD and it was a nice soundtrack for my trip to the clouds while my head felt like the Bullwinkle ballon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Each note was magical and perfect. That disc replayed four or five times while all the tooth nastiness was fixed by my rockstar dentist. At one point I was in love with him...and his assistant...and everyone in the world including plants and rocks. Those three hours passed way too fast.
So my retirement plans are to live in the desert Southwest in a little house with a dentist's chair and a few hundred tanks of NO2. I'll spend my remaining days floating and loving the world while Oasis serenades me. Some people want to travel or write a novel in their golden years -- only because they've never tried being a Bullwinkle balloon.
PS I should stress here that dental care is important. I didn't go in for so much as a checkup in fifteen years and am being financially drained for my negligence. Brush for a least two minutes each time, floss and use a fluoride rinse regularly. And if it's too late for that , google 'sedation dentistry' in your area.
drawings are from an old notebook and were probably done during a long meeting or something.

7 comments:

Paula said...

Glad you had your dental work done and glad I found you are back here again.When I had my fourth wisdom teeth extracted I had one of those good dentist. They told me when they were through with me I would be begging them to pull all my teeth. It was almost that good.

Indigo said...

I wished you had told me about sedation dentistry a couple years ago. I had some major work done and apparently Novocaine has no effect on me at all. Oh yeah, painful as you might think.

I hear Arizona is a grand place to retire too. Awesome sunsets and canyons. Not to mention you could always adopt a Saguaro cactus (winks). (Hugs)Indigo

Chris said...

OMG OMG OMG, Russ is BACK!!!!!

And floating....why are you floating on the ceiling.

What do you mean I sound funny like Charlie Brown's teacher when I talk?

What's so effin' funny?

And for chrissake quit rinsing and spitting up there.

Debra said...

love, Love, LOVE the light~bulb {he's my FAVorite~~nodding solemnly}
grins, debra

Estela said...

I was LOL at the thought of Rolling Stones as alternative rock. :) I think your retirement plan sounds like something I could totally get behind. The older I get, the more I think "how harmful could it be to grow marijuana for personal use?"

Big Mark 243 said...

I hear you about the dental care thing... I went through some drama with my dental work last year (I am thinking).

The Great American Southwest... the stomping grounds of the Incredible Hulk when one (or both) of the Buscema boys were doing the book. I don't remember many(or should I have said 'any') of the storylines, but I would dream about being out in the Arizona deserts and looking up getting lost in the night sky. I have had a chance to lay underneath a canopy of stars when I was at Ft. Huachuca for all-Army or something...

I don't know if I have ever sent you a picture of Nebraska and me... I also have one of me with the SFC... I will get those to you shortly. Prolly will be a letter as well.

Did I tell you that I have missed you? Well, I have. And I am glad that you and your spouse have each other.

Later, gator!
Mark

Andews Hayes said...

Good thing that your dental work is all good! Hmm, your retirement plan looks all good and set, too. If you think Arizona is meant for you, then by all means go. After all, retirement is not the end, and there's still time to enjoy life to the fullest. :)